Being Okay With the Mess & Letting Go of Perfectionism
Every year my family goes beach camping somewhere along the coast of California. This year I chose not to go.
I was so excited for the weekend to stay home and clean up the mess that had overtaken our house—tidy up the piles, put things on my local Buy Nothing on Facebook. Most communities have a local Buy Nothing page where you can post stuff you are looking to give away (or looking for) and people will take it for free. I can't even begin to describe how much I was looking forward to getting rid of everything, or at least finding a place for it and cleaning up the clutter.
My Actual Weekend Plans
But Friday arrived, I said goodbye to my husband and kids as they went off to the camping trip. As I looked around the house, I realized I couldn't do it.
I've been so go go go for so long (pretty much since my twins were born 7 years ago) that when I had a weekend to just be home, it turns out I had to be okay with the mess.
I had to let go of the part of me that was so excited to have things organized and realized I needed to prioritize. And that maybe the mess wasn't my priority after all.
The Trap of Achievement and Perfectionism
As I reflected on my inability to actually tidy up the mess, I realized this is a lesson I've been slowly learning for years. I used to always beat myself up because I was never as much of a perfectionist as I wanted to be.
I was an overachiever who couldn’t actually achieve everything, and was never satisfied with what I had done or where I had come from. I’d told myself the story that I was not enough for years and when I looked around the chaos of my home, it felt like that proved my belief.
Stopping to Feel Those Pesky Emotions
I was the girl who couldn't stop and just let myself cry because “who had time for that?” I had things to do, people to see, books to read, shows to catch up on, news articles to peruse, protests to attend, etc. etc. etc.
If I allowed myself to just sit and cry I wasn't being productive, and was therefore failing myself and my family. I don’t even cry at movies or TV shows!
(And yes, I realize I'm a therapist whose job it is to feel and show empathy—and I am most definitely empathetic in the room with you—but I had a very strong part that believed to feel anything outside of the therapeutic space was a waste of time).
Shrinking Made Me Cry—and How Brainspotting Helped
I was watching the season finale of Shrinking and realized I was feeling tears in my eyes, something I rarely experience when watching shows.
I paused and started to reflect on what got me there. I started to understand that the years of doing Brainspotting and diving into more somatic work has opened up pathways that said "crying is a waste of time." And I got to reprogram them in real-time to believe that "crying can be cathartic and healthy for my system."
And while Brainspotting is not "Jimmying" you, it is getting you out of the typical talk therapy rut and helping you learn new pathways to healing.
The Therapists at Foothills Psychotherapy
I've discovered the therapists on my team are really good at slowing down and setting boundaries and being present in their lives. While I’m their supervisor, the reality is that I’ve learned as much from them as they do from me.
Miriam has inspired me to want to be truly off the grid when I take time off.
Rozerik is fully present in time and space and goes slow and does things with intentionality.
Liz has built a schedule that allows her to see clients, be fully present with them, and then shut that part of her life off and be fully present in whatever adventure she's on.
Regina listens so powerfully and is so present with you that it's hard to not feel held when you're in the space with her.
Maybe it's because they are all Brainspotters? Or maybe it's because I attract the type of person I want to be to my practice?
All I know is that whoever you end up with in our practice—should you need to work on your own ability to let go of perfectionism and just sit down and cry—you will be held and taken care of in a slow and intentional space.
Experience Brainspotting Therapy in Burbank, California
At Foothills Psychotherapy, our trained Brainspotting therapists help clients heal from trauma, anxiety, and stress using this powerful mind-body approach.
Whether you’re a high-achieving professional struggling with burnout, a professional who’s ready to let go of perfectionism, or someone ready to release long-held emotional pain—Brainspotting can help you feel calmer, more grounded, and more in control of your life.
If you’re ready to experience how Brainspotting can support your healing, reach out to get matched with one of our Brainspotting therapists.
