How to Know It’s Time for Couple’s Therapy | Burbank, California

Couples therapy can be hugely beneficial for relationships in every phase of life, but many people have anxiety about the idea. 

Doesn’t going to couple’s therapy mean we’re admitting there’s a problem in our relationship? 

This has long been the belief, to the point many people carry an idea that if you go to couple’s therapy your relationship might as well be doomed. But don’t let those old rumors fool you. 

The data shows the majority of couples that have attended therapy together have found it beneficial. And couple’s therapy can be useful beyond times when you might be struggling. 

It can also be hugely helpful as preventative care (like premarital counseling), for helping you through major life transitions, and even for making sure you end your relationship well if that’s where life takes you. 

Relationship therapy is for every phase of life and relationship, and it’s just a matter of knowing when you and your partner (or partners!) can benefit from a little extra support.

Isn’t Couple’s Therapy Only for Tough Times?

There’s a common idea that going to couple’s therapy is a harbinger of bad things to come – it means a split is on the horizon. But the data actually tells us the opposite. 

A 2023 survey conducted by VeryWell Mind showed that the overwhelming majority of couples who attended relationship counseling reported it had a positive impact on their relationship. 

Therapy can help couples develop communication skills, learn more about one another’s triggers, and get a better understanding for how to be on the same team. It can also help diagnose and resolve issues when they’re still small, meaning they’re much easier to handle and there’s less chance of them causing large ruptures which can be harder to repair. 

Why does couple’s therapy have a bad reputation? 

Many couples often put off couple’s therapy until they feel their relationship is in serious jeopardy, teetering on the verge of break up. By that point, there may be so many deep seated feelings of hurt or betrayal, it can be difficult to resolve them all, and so the relationship ends. 

Couple’s Therapy as Pre-Marital Counseling

One of the most common times a couple may choose to see a therapist is for pre-marital counseling. This can be a great opportunity to make sure you and your future spouse are on the same page about major life goals before you embark on such a big journey together. 

It’s an opportunity to talk about many of the big topics that can become stressors on relationships, like your plans for having a family, finances, long term goals, how to handle merging your families, and anything else that might be important to you two. 

Couple’s Therapy for Other Major Life Transitions

But counseling can also be helpful during other major times of transition in your shared lives. 

Couples can experience stress when welcoming a new child, as children grow and leave the home, when dealing with aging parents, or for any other variety of reasons that might mark a large shift in their lives. Even if your relationship is going well, you might find counseling useful to help you navigate those turbulent times together. 

Seeking counseling before there is a big issue is going to help you out more than waiting until the stress of a big change has you both feeling like your relationship has suffered, so knowing when those first signs show up can be helpful.

Couple’s Therapy and Discernment Counseling

A therapist might also be a useful resource if you are questioning if your relationship is still viable. 

Discernment counseling is the process of examining if you want to proceed in your relationship and working to rebuild a relationship that is fulfilling to both of you, or if you feel it is time to end the relationship and transition it into a new space. 

This can be a difficult decision to make and having a therapist who can support you in this process can be a valuable asset for helping you each decide what is better for you individually and as a unit. 

It’s important to remember that choosing to end the relationship isn’t a failure, but rather sometimes a thing which is necessary for the good of everyone involved. Sometimes the structure of the relationship is no longer supportive to the people inside it, and if discernment counseling leads you to that conclusion, then your therapist can also support you in how to disentangle from your relationship with love and kindness. 

Break ups and divorces can be painful processes, but having a therapist who can help you two hear one another and move through the process with as much kindness as possible can make this difficult time easier. 

If you have children, your therapist may also be able to help you as you transition your co-parenting relationship. This is important not just for each of you, but for your children as well.

When to Consider Couple’s Counseling

So what does this all mean? Couple’s counseling is a valuable tool for relationships at every phase of life. 

It can provide helpful tools and insights when you’re just starting out, when you’re in time of transition or facing challenges, or even when you’re not sure if the relationship is viable anymore. 

But the most important takeaway is to not put it off – getting into couple’s counseling sooner will almost always yield more positive results and give you and your partner a better chance of working through whatever issues you’re dealing with. 

And while it might be scary to admit there is something in your relationship that needs fixing, it’s also an opportunity to come together and work on it together as a team. 

Couple’s Therapists in Burbank

At Foothills Psychotherapy, we have several trained couple’s therapists.

Whether you’re seeking pre-marital counseling, wanting to get ahead of a big life transition, or seeking discernment counseling, our therapists are here to help. Rozerik is especially good at helping couples navigate the struggles of parenting a neurodiverse kid. Liz is amazing at working with couples who are considering consensual nonmonogamy, and Regina is wonderful at working with couples who want to deepen their connections and understand each other better. But truly, any of our couples therapists can be a wonderful guide as you explore your relationship. 

Ready to experience how therapy can support your relationship?
You can meet our full team of therapists or reach out to get matched with the best therapist.